Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Being WELL!!!

Life is interesting. I know what patience feels like now. Patience is enduring WELL!!! There can be many things in life we have to endure but we can do it WELL. This was what my therapist said to me the first day I went to therapy. I don't really care whether you stay or leave him, I just want you to do it WELL.

What does that even mean? I didn't even know what that tasted like or felt like. I think God opened a way for medicine because we are changing our genetics by our life style. We are changing our brain wiring that we now are not as WELL as previous generations due to our diets, body chemistry, obesity, lack of physical activity. The thing that I now know is that the greatest difficulty we have is how we life a life that is not in the present moment. We are escaping the past and future, and fill our life with things that don't allow for brain connections that allow us to grow up. I think the life we live does not allow for brain formations and connections in ways that allow mental health. We are raised in broken homes (not that it has not been before but at higher rates), fathers are not present in many, stress is rampant and increases anxiety, depression rates are higher (always existed but just higher), obesity from life of escaping through our SAD (standard American diet) diets, and the list goes on that affects our brain wiring.

For years I wished I could just STOP this and that. I used shame and guilt as my tactic for CHANGE.
I have been blessed with the gift of learning to live in the present moment. The gift of learning mindfulness. This is the path to brain health. We abandoned long ago the mindful life and now we can learn of what is that I call "hidden knowledge" because if we are listening to the media that is NOT what we will hear. It has affected our culture. We have band aid medicine that does not allow for mind & body connections. Even in the church, our leaders have been affected. On Sundays we hear the "law of moses" speeches of do this and don't do this. This is part of it. Obedience is important but NOT when laced with guilt and shame as the avenues to motivate change by either ourselves or others (sometimes we are our worst enemies).
LOVE of SELF is the only way to have change start within our lives!!! 
(not narcissism)

I have been blessed with an opportunity to teach these things through my new yoga business. I teach mindfulness to a group now that are learning in a "hands-on" way that allow for change to occur from the inside out. I would love to bring these things main steam into the church culture. I think it would bless our youth who struggle so much with what is going on inside. Who grow up and teach our classes in the best way they can but also teach in ways that instill the continuation of guilt/shame tactics. I see the Pornography problem in our church as a living evidence of this. I see the suffering of women from the infidelity and escape tactics of their husbands as evidence. I see the ability of women be healthy in these situations as evidence of this. I see that 12 steps for this is NOT effective as a complete tool but just one tool. They need therapy, shown how to live a different way, a new way of thinking, a life of health, and life of living WELL- no matter what is going on around them. I think some women find this naturally but most do not. The guilt and shame that their spouses feel and the manipulation that is endured (even if spouse is not aware) sets up the perfect storm in the mind for rewiring to anxiety and depression. The 12 step program will NOT facilitate a change because most can't see what is even going on in their heads....I had to have someone else tell me that my thinking was inaccurate, distorted, and unhealthy. This caused my physical life to be a unhealthy and the need for escape into depression, food, and anxiety.

It is possible. I want to write and put this path down on paper in a "Mormon culture" perspective. I want to write about this here. I may even publish one day. We will see what "organically" happens. This is what I want. To do His will in this. His path is not a path that is shameless but a loving path. Even in our culture, which does need to be more mindful, we can each start this path.

1 Nephi starts out with such health. Nephi could stay out of the drama triangle in many of situations he encountered- I will not say all because no one can truly stay out of the triangle at every moment because of our fallen condition and nature of the human experience. I can see that there were a few lectures given that were not listened to by his brothers from Nephi. Were they filled with any shaming tactics. It would be interesting to analyze this from the "shame" perspectie. Nephi was under some tough living conditions and his brothers were difficult, very much persecutors.

I don't like the word "co-dependent". It is hard to understand what that means. I like the representation of the "Drama Triangle". It puts into better light what it means to be Unhealthy. My therapist said to me that what made Jesus perfect is that he always stayed an "Adult" in all situations. He never fell into any of these drama rolls in anything he encountered. Yes it was a new light to me when I was shown that even the Savior didn't rescue people. He opened the path through the atonement so we can be Saved from our sins but not in our sins, but the path out of our sins is NOT by shame tactics of self or others. The path out is mindfulness.

So how do we transition to a mindful life?

Mindfulness according to John Kaat-Ainn is paying attention moment to moment without judgement.

How does one do this? PRACTICE!!!

I will not learn to surf  by reading and studying about surfboards, talking to people about surfing, or watching shows or even people surf. YOU must get out in the wave and practice. (Not that I can surf water but I am learning surf LIFE)