I have learned so many truths that have helped me live my religion better.
10 years ago I learned about the 12 steps for addiction recovery with my own struggles with binge eating and my husbands addiction. These steps taught me how to apply the atonement in my life. I learned these are the steps to apply repentance and forgiveness of self and others through the atonement of Jesus Christ. It did not help me heal from the Trauma. I was plagued with triggers, feeling victimized, and a withdrawal or deadening of my heart just to keep contention out of the home. No pain if you don't feel.
About a year ago, I started therapy for healing from Betrayal Trauma. I felt that the model of Trauma (over the model of codependency) is more appropriate to start healing from the Trauma. I had and have many codependency traits to overcome but until I saw from the light of how broken and unhealthy I am, I had no healing. My therapist has worked alot on how I talk to myself, my thoughts, and having more gratitude. He taught me about the victim triangle, the cycle of addiction, taking care of me, and that until as an individual I am healthy, I will usually have distorted thinking (called Automatic Negative Thinking). I was taught it is OK that I have trauma triggers. My anxiety or flight/fight trigger and depression could be overcome and how to manage it with therapy and medication. I was taught how to think about my thinking and ask "is this Accurate or am I distorting". Therapy was a very powerful tool in my case (I would recommend that if you are not being taught these things in therapy find a new one.)
Now I am being given new light. As I sat in my yoga teacher training for days. I was amazed at the truths that are found in eastern religions that in our western lifestyle we could benefit from applying. I have been a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints my entire life, but I have been missing some important truths. They are in the teachings of the church but if you don't SEE them, they are hidden treasures of knowledge. Our western lifestyle (no cowboy hats) prevents us from searching from the inside out. We are so focused on the outside, our schedules, our activities, the commandments, our callings, our jobs, our kids, our homes, our stuff, that we don't even know how to SEE these truths that are the fruits of a spiritual life.
As I sat in my class, I learned some things that I am incorporating into my daily life that have allowed the next breakthrough in my healing from trauma, anxiety, depression, and control. It is so powerful and my days are so much better when I do my home yoga practice with just ME. Taking care of ME is so important. It allows me to then serve others by increasing their faith and hope (charity) because I am am FILLED with faith and hope. It is amazing. I also love teaching my Yoga class and share with others.
I am going to put my thoughts on this blog so others can be blessed by this as well. Just as the 12 steps guided me through a in the atonement of Jesus Christ, Yoga has taught me to fill the SPIRIT. It has taught me how to REMEMBER. It has taught me how to pray. It has taught me how to concentrate and meditate and breathe; a process I am still just beginning. It has taught me to move away from the "to do" list and improve from the inside out.
3/11/2014
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