Thursday, August 28, 2014

DOING vs Effortless Effort = Stress/Fear vs Flow/Faith

Kids are back in school. And I started on a path of anxiety over the schedule. As a mother with young children, the challenge of inspiring and motivating a child to get ready (who is distracted easily) for school is not easy. First day was no problem. Second day took a raised voice (OK maybe some yelling) and then by that evening I was exhausted. I was worn out. I taught 4 yoga classes that day and cooked 2 meals. My legs ached. I just needed to get off my feet. After spending an hour cooking dinner, We ate and then the kitchen was abandoned. I told my husband:
 I don't mind cooking good meals but I feel very unmotivated when everyone eats and then leaves when it is clean-up (hubby included). I need support in the clean up. Can you please be in charge of the clean-up. I feel like I have to get the kids to do so many things before and after school, it would be very helpful for me to have some support with motivating the kids to help with clean-up. 
Didn't I use good NVC (Nonviolent Communication)? Yesterday he took over the clean-up. It was so nice to go teach 2 yoga classes last night and feel support. I did come home to a pile of dishes but our 18 year old would not do the dishes. I then had to ask him to do the load the dishwasher but it was still nice to see the effort on my husband.

We have had probably the best 3 weeks in our marriage. Yes, in our 20 years, we have not had a good 3 weeks. A miracle!!!

So it all started with ME!!! When I understood that I had the power to move my boundary because my grass was Green, I was able to empower my husband with love and compassion. I had capabilities because I had them to give.

I have to practice self-compassion to be able to serve and give. That is something that is lost in the gospel teaching at church sometimes. The focus is so much on "Love your Neighbor". Then you fill your thinking with so much guild and shame over you inability to "LOVE", that you beat yourself up more and more- for years. Then you are show the light and SEE that love of SELF is needed first. This is not SELFISH but the 2nd Commandment as stated in the bible to "Love...Yourself". Then the 3rd as "Love your Neighbor". They are listed as 1st and 2nd but really there are two listed in the 2nd and the order must be understood.

Also, the definition of service must be understood. I think children and teens need to serve even when they don't feel like it because they are children, but as adults we must understand that we must take care of self in healthy ways to model to our children how to love SELF. Service is filling and not depleting. Service is enriching and not draining.

I remember for years DOING "sex" out of fear, in the name of service and sacrifice. I was not able to understand that it was NOT my job to rescue my husband sexually. Bishops didn't understand addiction and it's hold and underlying causes. I have a boundary now that says: "If I want to have sex, I do (husband is always" Another way of putting it: "When I feel a connection with my husband, I naturally feel like MAKING LOVE." It takes empathy on both of us to create connection and safety. This is the secret to sex (making love). This is how God intended. I could count on one (maybe two) hands how many times that I felt safe having sex. It really does not require perfection on the part of husband but an effort towards empathy and connection to great an environment of safety and connection.

The greatest gift I give myself is keeping my thinking healthy. By using my creative power to create good in my life. I feel abundance and gratitude. I feel grateful for the new school year and to have ALL my kids in school. I am grateful my oldest child can have experiences to grow and progress as he goes to school next week. I am grateful another subdivision called asking me to teach yoga in their neighborhood also. It really was amazing to see how word can spread when God is helping you.

I am grateful I am teaching yoga and sharing with others a path to happiness that is sometimes lost in Christianity (I call scripture "Philosophies of Men mingles with Scripture") As I study the Old Testament, I see how shame is used at times and the culture has influence and changed the writings over time. The truth is there but just a little mingles (and sometimes a lot mingled). That is why I love the teachings of Mindfulness (from the Buddhist tradition...Even the Buddha was not a Buddhist). I love the simpleness and lack of complexity in its teaching and mingling. I find that we have the teaching in my church but sometimes we are mingled with a culture in the United States of DOING.

I see myself changing from my beside nursing job to teaching mindfulness in the hospital to staff and patients. I see this coming into my life in the next month. I see having every weekend with my husband and family to nourish and grow relationships. I see people filling my yoga classes. I see my son desire to come to yoga to spend time with his mom and learn. I see ability to run and not be weary. To listen to my children that they want to share and open their heart with their mom. I see them feeling safe to communicate their imperfections and see them growing in self-worth and value of self. I see them feeling abundance because they are loved by their parents. I see financial abundance in my life and time to do things that bring joy and memories.

I know that I am a person of value and worth. I feel financial freedom by having an abundance mentality. I love feeling and thinking worthwhile things. I love waking up and feeling alive and free. I love living my life. I love who I am right now. I love living in this moment and living "non-doing" or and "effortless efffort". So wonderful to see sequences I need to teach that day to my yoga students in my adult, kids, and teen classes coming easily to my mind. I love learning about LOA (law of attraction- also called faith), yoga postures and the body anatomy, abundance thinking, mindfulness, Old Testament I am teaching at church, Self-Compassion, Joy living, Affirmations to change my thinking and ultimately change my beliefs on a sub-conscious level.

1 comment:

  1. Nice game of words here: effortless effort. Never thought about such combination. It is like reasonable reason, when you are 100% sure about something and want to prove your intent was right.
    Expert from pay for essays website.