My husband was not with me. A few weeks ago, he asked me if I would go with him to the temple. I said yes but on the day we were going to go my anxiety skyrocketed and I prayed. I didn't go. I went yesterday without him and he went in the afternoon. I am scared to go with him because I feel so little wifely love toward him. I love him as the father of our children and for my covenants I made at marriage but I lack many wifely feelings of love.
This morning I watched a video about Stephanie Neilson and I was so touched by her faith in her trial. I realized I can have that same kind of faith in mine. I saw the love her and her husband had in the video and I realize that I have so little, but Elder Holland said at the end that the type of trial does not matter. I need to come to my Savior and he knows me. This comforts me.
I was doing some research on GMO yesterday after the temple for 3 hours. It was exhausting but I felt sucked into the black-hole of the Internet in researching both sides of the story. We are going to do a garden together and she is very ant-GMO. I am undecided. I will not do anymore research on the subject because I have bigger fish to fry. Kids to raise, marriage to repair, Missionary work, Temple work, Family history work, exercise, Scripture study, etc..... It is just not a priority for me. I know that the Lord will keep me well to accomplish his work as long as I am faithful to HIM. So I sent her the following email yesterday:
I have to STOP. I may end up anxious if I keep going. I have spent the last 3 hours (ouch) researching GMO from both sides. It is a mess is all I have to say. I can't say no one is not biased. I do think I believe in labeling. I found that as one comment said on a site "when I research a topic, often I find two conflicting points of views on that subject, and it is difficult for me to decide which sources are unbiased and such, as nowadays it seems money and sponsorship plays a large factor in deciding the outcomes of research." I would read a for and say yea that makes sense and then against and say yea that makes sense.
WOW that was exhausting. I will vote for labeling if you ever need a vote or a voice. As for all the research and science, I say the jury is still out because it seems like there is so much good and bad mixed in the industry because there has been good and bad in virtually every industry. I believe in being able to make our own choices and so I believe in labeling. I believe in business big and small. I do believe there is corruption in all places. People gripe about big oil being evil and all I say is oil supports our family and fills my car so I am biased because it pays my bills and has been a blessing in my life. So it goes with every industry for and against and those who work in them.
I Just have to stop reading and say that I don't know the outcome but I will go back to my trust in God. His plan has always been opposition in all things. I believe in eternal life and this life is just a testing ground if we will follow Him. The bible says "...The ground was cursed for our sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life. Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee....Genesis 317-18" As God has blessed us with amazing technology, science, and industry, I just hope man just does not forget HIM in it all!
So lets plant a garden organically, buy non GMO seeds, bless the food we eat and pull our own weeds:)
Thanks for your friendship. I am glad I am more educated than I was. I appreciate all you have done to enlighten me on the subject. I love nutrition, exercise, health, mental health, nursing, and taking care our bodies that God has given us to the best of our knowledge.
Now as I have gone through my of the refiners fire that life puts before us, there have been many times I have said to God...where art thou? The thing that I have felt to do is to increase the acts that prophets and apostles have testified would increase my faith and peace. I would pick up my scriptures. I would get on my knees. I would go to the temple. One day I had a very strong impression that if I would double my temple attendance, I would be blessed with the testimony I desired of the temple. Almost 1 1/2 years after that commitment and of going mostly every other week for that time, I feel nothing but to say my faith in my Savior Jesus Christ has increased. I find myself longing for more time to study my scriptures and an hour will pass and I just wish I had 2 hours. I get on my knees and I want to stay and talk with my Father in Heaven longer because I have so much to tell Him and express to Him, but my kids have come in 3 times to interrupt. As I go to the temple, I feel that I am serving someone who has gone on before me. I pray to learn what the spirit wants me to learn. Thing only discerned by the spirit. Hidden from all the blogs. Things they will never be able to report. I feel I can then go into the celestial room and pray for me, my family, and my loved ones. I can sit in the closest place I know on earth that I can be to pray to my Father in Heaven. Yes my faith then increases because I love Him. I feel His spirit with me. This is personal revelation. Not something you read in a book or a blog. This only found from a Higher Source.
In my curiosity search I found this and it contained this quote:
Mormon historian Richard Bushman suggested as much in a 2007 Pew forum on Mormonism:
“Once you get past that [temple] door, you immediately go to a changing room where you shed your outer clothes and put on special white clothing. In the temple you speak in whispers. You don’t speak aloud. And then outside the temple you don’t talk about it at all. Some people think of this as secretive in the sense of hiding things. But for Mormons, it’s all part of the process of creating a sacred space. When you walk in there, life is different. You just feel things are on a different plane.As Bushman seems to imply, Mormons can continue to recenter the sacrality of Temple ritual somewhat away from elements of secrecy toward the personal, communal, embodied importance of participation in the covenants. After all, many of the elements participants promise not to disclose are received in the company of others. This doesn’t mean Mormons will start “telling it all,” but that individual Mormons can keep promises aside from whether people can Google things, and that the participatory elements of the ceremonies can be better emphasized in preparing for and discussing Temple participation.
When you come out, it’s not usually an overwhelming vision you have experienced, but you feel elevated. It becomes very important for Mormons to go into that space, just like practicing the Sabbath, keeping it holy, has an exalting effect on human life. So that’s the way I look at the temple ceremonies.
Mormons know you can go online, get every last word of the temple ceremony. It’s all there. So it’s not like it’s hidden from the world. Anybody can get it. But among us, we don’t talk about it that way. It means something to us. It means a lot.”
I think that this is why the sacredness can never be taken from us by those seeking to destroy God's work. It is His work. Not man's work. There has always been those who seek otherwise from the beginning. I just hope those who struggle with their faith may find the courage to increase the actions that increase faith. It is OK to question but seek the Spirit for confirmation through prayer for truth only He can give us through study of the Scriptures.