Tuesday, January 21, 2014


In a blog I read today she said speaking of a friend...
"It's becoming very clear to me that she's always had more of an understanding about who she is -a daughter of God, a daughter of a King, a literal royal traversing her way through a brief mortal test. 

When that fact is understood down deep in my soul, I make different choices.  I don't worry about what others' may or may not think... not only do I not care, I don't give it a second thought.  I make choices that matter: whether that's holding a sick baby or investing in God-given interests, or acting on a prompting.  Life simplifies, and I feel peace.

But that isn't all.
The greatest blessing that's springing from understanding who I truly am is that I see OTHERS for who they truly are as well."

  How I long to give my kids a feeling of who they are and that they see something greater about life. The world has a strong pull. But also I see the pull of their "weakness". My kids all have ADD...at least 4 of them. It adds challenges. Makes impulsivity easier. Makes mental work harder. It seems they get it from both sides of the family. I never thought I had it but now I realize I do as well but I have coped will through my schooling. I crave adrenaline but have sought it through healthy ways like exercise and outdoor adventures. I suffer at home though when I need to clean, study scriptures regularly, and with a binge eating disorder to feel or to numb. I have been taking medication for a few weeks and it has opened up so many things. Treating my depression and ADD with prescription medication have been miracles. I tried every "natural" product I could to find some normal to my mental health but I am grateful I finally went to a psychiatrist. I just don't want my kids to suffer like I have for the past 20 years since I was a teen. My husbands addiction spiraled my binge eating, dieting, depression, and anxiety to a new level but I do have to say they were there before he came into my life. 

she goes on to say regarding following one of her passions....

I feel so good!  I could care less if anything sells because I'm having so much fun.
I set two boundaries for myself with this shop:
1) If I ever felt panic or pressure, I will step away from the shop for as long as it takes.
2) I will make and sell what I love, not what I think others will love.

The more I let myself go and really find antiques and colors and ideas that make my heart soar, the better I feel.  I'm less stressed when I know I'm doing what I should be doing at this point in my life.  Writing, crocheting, digging through antique stores to find treasures!  It's really rewarding, and I'm finding more of myself.
You should go and do what makes you tick.  Like, now.

This really hit me because I have been feeling super anxious these last few days about teaching a Yoga class to a group of 8 and 9 year old girls at church. I need boundries like these. I am suppose to teach them how yoga can be peace, health, etc.... It has only brought anxiety. I love teaching yoga. I will be certified soon. My class is free and I love it that way. My students are faithful at coming and they bring me joy. I love my class I teach because I feel no pressure and have been blessed with peace the entire way of entry into teaching. From quitting gyms, missing yoga, inviting friends to join me to practice yoga and Pilate's, and then opening it up to my community. With is kids class, I feel pressure and even panic. Reading this this morning I am going to let go. I will do my best and trust God to help me. I will not resort to the panic I have felt because I love to teach these things and I need to trust myself and turn the newness of teaching these things to children to a higher source, and have FAITH. 

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