Sunday, February 2, 2014

We need a friend

My heart goes out to one of my best friends in the world. What makes her my best friend. No other person knows how I feel quite like she does. We had been brought together in ways only God could orchestrate.

First we both did a cleaning session in the temple. We spent several hours cleaning hundreds of crystals with denatured alcohol. Standing next to each other, we both had a bond. Financial struggles and raising families on a tight budget. Something felt right about us getting to know each other.

I then started a Pilate's class in my home. I had quit gyms after years of taking classes. I put out word for my free class. She came. One day all the others in my class could not make it. As we exercised and visited, I remember the moment when we both looked at each other and knew we were sisters. We both had husbands that were addicted to pornography/sex addicts (mine was suppose to be in I thought). I remember paying a therapist a $100 an hour. I knew something was wrong in my marriage but I was seeing her for my depression. My depression was the result of my marriage and working to many hours. I would talk to her. I remember the day I got rid of her services. I said, I just need a friend. I am paying you to be a friend I can talk to. I needed therapy but I see now she was not equipped to deal with my situation fully. She kept bringing up my childhood and I felt just fine about my childhood. I had dealt with the pain and problems that came from our dysfunctional home. I had resolved those issues. I prayed for help. My friend came into my life not long after. She was there when the new disclosures came and we support each other. I am now in therapy but I am going to someone who really has helped me and my husband.

My friend's husband told her new disclosures last night and his admitting he was only being partially honest most of the time. Always down played his addiction. She was shocked. The pain is so great from betrayal. I am very much a believer in "betrayal trauma" associated with sexual addiction. I have suffered from it. I remember years ago when the model was codependency and it just didn't feel right. I felt bad for feeling hurt by my husbands actions. I am now a believer in trusting your intuition. It has rarely been incorrect (my husband will say differently but it does not matter to me anymore). I have to find health as an independent person. As two people are healthy, they can then come together and find healing in the marriage.

I listened to this BYU speech yesterday Healing = Courage + Action + Grace by Jonathan G. Sandberg
He teaches and counsels people. I loved his perspective on healing. It really helped me feel peace and I know I am on the path of real healing in my life.

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