Creating My Life

Today (10/22/14), I am so grateful for my life. I am grateful to feel joy in my life. I am grateful for my children. I am grateful I can enjoy them without fear of "bad parenting" but only a need for them to feel loved by their mother. 

I have a desire to write a book. I see it being a story. A true story about sex, trauma, betrayal, pain, lies, deceit, and lust. This sounds like a fictional story but it is mine. The miracle of the story is the path that I want other's to envision in their own life to greater happiness, health, peace, and love. Sounds like a best seller with movie rites to me. No limits in my abundance thinking. 

I see my business growing and hiring someone to help me with the business side of things (actually I have someone in mind). 

I see abundance of family time. Time to connect with my husband. I actually quit my nursing job. I gave 2 weeks notice last Friday. I see my nursing and mindfulness being taken to a new level in the community, in business and corporate environment. 

I am having great ability to teach my kids to live mindful and authentic lives.  In the past it was so easy for me to use my personal fear based self-talk to teach them to "keep the commandments" or your eternal life is at risk. Now I see commandments as fear based in many ways and "lower law" living. 

My husband one day said he is having a hard time with the word of Wisdom as scritpure and commandment. I listened. He explained why...yes I agree. It is not about shame and fear. It is about respect for our bodies. I find I live "stricter" than the Word of Wisdom in many ways. In my desire to "bio-hack" my brain and body for greater health, I find I am actually eating lots of fruits and veggies. The thing about my eating and health, I love the way I feel. I want to eat this way. 

For approx 20 years I spent life binging to numb myself and then exercising to lose weight. I was good if I didn't eat something that I really wanted to eat but I was "bad" if I ate something I was not suppose to eat. I was either good or bad. Food is now neutral for me. No good/bad thinking. It is so filled with shame. This same process happens with most addictions and this cycle is what keeps the cycle going around and around. If we can see food as neutral and then listen to our bodies to what feels "healthy". It is about a CHANGE OF HEART. We lose the desire for the so-called "bad foods". It becomes about healthy choices that are not shame filled. I love my oatmeal with chia, flax, nuts, and berries for breatkfast and my green smoothy, nuts, and dark chocolate for lunch. It is what I WANT. This is the difference in how we need to look at health. It is so awesome. 

I see my husband as he has struggled over the years with the Word of Wisdom in regards to coffee, alcohol, and even tobacco. (and I used to stress about caffeinated soda) I feel peace to let him work through this and find his path to health (he is 130 or more pounds overweight). He knows how I feel about being healthy and I know he wants health in his life. It is his journey and it is so free for me to now feel any need to control his path. Then he feels safe to talk about his path.

He could give you a great speech about modesty, lust, pornography and objectification of women. This is from a man who spent 30 years of his life addicted to lust and objectification. How did he overcome...NOT WITH MORE SHAME!!! ....for another day.

I AM
good, kind, compassionate, loving, and filled with peace and joy.