Monday, October 27, 2014


I talked with my son for over 3 hours on the phone last night. It was so wonderful to talk to him. He seemed depressed at first but eventually he opened up and a flood gate opened. Wow it was so wonderful to him him talk about living with grandparent challenges and girlfriend stuff. His worries about his job. I am in such a good place right now that I didn't have to be afraid. It was awesome. 

The hardest part is letting myself feel my feelings about gaining a testimony that Joseph Smith is a mystic and nothing else. No corner on truth or spirituality. I have even felt lied to. It is hard for me to even say this after my entire life part of a church that is not what it claims to be. If my ward or bishop knew how my husband and I feel we would be classified as lost sheep but I feel like I am free in my head now of the shame and guilt that living a "commandment" life brings. If we do enough we are good enough. I would love to scream from the pulpit but it is not that simple. I see the ramifications of "coming out" with the community and family. It is not so easy as it seems. 

So I am trying to just slowly help my children see the light and that maybe due to their youth they may not go through the grief process. 

One example: I asked my son last night about the creation. No comment. I believe we evolved over millions of years and humans have been in existence for a few hundred thousand...

Yes, we came from apes. 
If you study science, it has been even shown with DNA. 
What about the scriptures?
Do you think the scriptures are history?
There is something important to understand. You need to see the scriptures within the context of the culture and time period. Also many of the stories are written down hundreds of years after the supposed event. 
(We then discussed the example of the telephone game)
If you understand that scripture as stories that people wrote down to help them understand the world according to their understanding then it opens up so much clarity. 
I figured we would cover one scriptural example: 
Why was Cain given a dark skin? 
He was cursed. (Actually, I explained to him, that is not the curse. The curse was he was to be a vagabond)
Why were the Lamanites given a dark skin? 
What events were occurring in history that would encourage discrimination according to Joseph Smith? Think of his culture (not ours) and what was acceptable. 
Yes. Isn't it understandable that they are racist. According to "their time" it was not "racist" as a culture. It was shifting but still look as second class humans that are cursed. Where do most colored groups live? 
Africa (also covered supposed history of coloring of Lamanites in Book of Mormon....I can't rock his entire boat with the historicity of the Book of Mormon in one night...I have taught him
Yes, If you are living along the equator, what color of skin would it be good to have? 
What is the temperature like? 
Hot and sunny. 
If you think from evolution, What color of skin would be best to have if you live in hot and sunny areas. 
Darker skin
What would happen to me (super white, burn easily girl) if I lived for thousands of years along the equator? 
Get cancer of skin.
Possibly...It makes little sense for me to survive along the equator. There is just no reason I would survive well with the heat and extra hair that many "white" people have. Skin color is only a natural selection process.
( I then told him about the white mouse and black mouse on the sand and rocks)

Well, I really had a hard time with the fact that I have been raised and taught to be a "racist, non-racist" as taught at church and in the scriptures. So crazy in the thinking that people got different colors of skin by a curse from God. Such craziness!!! ....but according to the culture and how they saw colored races through history it makes sense why stories are made as to why people have different colored skins. Stories were created for all current understanding.


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